As part of my recovery from a complicated hip replacement in 2021, I began attending weekly exercise classes to help lengthen my muscles and tendons. It has been extremely beneficial to not only my physical health, but has also encouraged me to make time to take care of myself.
In a recent class, the instructor said something that has been ruminating in my head for weeks as I think about the children and families I work with. As he challenged us to extend one of the stretches for a longer period of time, he said, “If we can learn to deal with discomfort on the mat, it will help us to deal with discomfort out in the world.”
Discomfort has gotten a bad rap in recent years. In fact, many parents will do everything in their power to remove any and all discomfort from their child’s life. Social media is teaching our children that they don’t need to do anything that makes them uncomfortable or stressed. On the surface, this may seem like we are protecting our children, but there is a problem with this strategy…life is not always comfortable. Each of us, at some point in our lives, will experience disappointment, failure, broken relationships, hardship…discomfort. We live in a broken world. Jesus even tells us in John 16 that, “in this world you will have trouble.” He didn’t say you “might” have trouble. It is not a question of “if” we will experience discomfort, but “when.”
I think that is why the instructor’s statement stuck with me. Are we doing our children a disservice by attempting to shield them from discomfort? When I think of individuals who are resilient (In my work with unfathered and at risk kids and their moms, I encounter resilient people every day), they are usually not the ones whose life has been easy. They are people who have experienced difficulties and learned how to go on in spite of them. They have grown through the discomfort and are then better equipped for the next challenge that arises. They have figured out what their strengths are and what people in their life are willing to go through the fire with them.
As I have been watching the Olympics this week, there have been many stories of athletes overcoming tragedies, injuries, and challenges. Why does the network tell us these stories? Because they are inspiring. They show the strength and resilience of these athletes, many who have persevered through extreme adversity. The struggles have made them stronger.
Just to clarify, I am not advocating for everyone to go through tragedy. Believe me, as a professional social worker who specializes in child and adolescent trauma, my heart aches with the stories I hear on a daily basis. But there is a distinction between trauma and discomfort. God often gives us discomfort to get our attention. Growing is often uncomfortable.Think of a child who has growing pains. That discomfort results in physical growth. When we learn a new skill, it often begins with discomfort, but if we persevere, we will master that skill and be able to apply it in appropriate situations.
We can help ourselves and our children learn to sit in the discomfort. We can shift the message from avoiding any and all discomfort to learning to call upon God and trust Him through the discomfort. The full content of the John 16 verse is this:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
We are not alone in our discomfort. We have a Savior who sits with us in that discomfort and is able to give us peace as we trust Him with the outcome. The more we practice sitting with Him in the discomfort, the more resilient we become.
If you would like to learn more about becoming part of a Child’s Mentorship Team or a Mother’s Support Team through JCLC, please reach out to Amy directly at amy@joshuacalebleaders.org.